Craziness

A rather simple how-to guide on how to get all the benefits of being considered crazy, without any of the problems usually associated with being it full-time.

I guess everybody secretly desires to escape all their daily routines, and live like they don't have a care in the world, like they don't care about the world. If you're crazy, things are much easier. People will forgive you much more if you are considered crazy. Take the following example.

Q : 'Why did you kick my car ?'
A : 'I felt like kicking something. You're car is ugly, so it seemed the obvious choice.'

Q : 'Why did you kick my car ?'
A : 'You're one of them ! I must kick the car of all the collaborators with the aliens !! Aaaahr !'

In reality, in scenario A, you will get your ass kicked. In scenario B, people are much more likely to forgive you, because they think you're crazy.
Now, actually being crazy won't get you very far. Within a few months, you're gonna be put in some home, drugged to near-death, and be thrown in a small room with padded walls from time to time.
Therefore, you should learn to seem crazy. Carefully read the following rules :

I. Gear up !
This one depends on the time of preparation you take for your crazy-moment. Ideally, you should stop shaving and cleaning yourself (and your clothes) about a week before your crazy-time.
When the necessity to be crazy suddenly shows itself, however, you can still make some simple, yet powerful changes to your visual crazy-rating. Perfectly good examples would be wearing your clothes inside out, decorating yourself with randoms items you find around (preferrably from thrashcans), and messing up your hair.

II. Talk to yourself
Most people would probably think of this one. It is, however, very important to do this one right.
Talking out loud about events that are currently happening will at best raise some eyebrows. Talking about events that are not currently happening would be better. Talking about yourself, referring to yourself in the third person is again even better.
For added craziness, you might even talk to a prop (see tip II), or to your own hand.
The final touch of talking to your hand, would be to insist that other people talk to your hand as well, instead of talking to you.

III. Get a prop
This one's very important. Take a random, useless item, and carry it around everywhere. Great items here are dead animals, human body parts, and vegetables. You can make this act more convincing by talking to the prop. Always call the prop 'Mr (name of prop)' (for example 'Mr Cucumber', or 'Mister Dead Parrot').
Talk to the prop, about other people. Try to make fun of these people as much as possible. Act like your prop actually talks back, which the other people of course cannot hear.

IV. Be afraid of invisble things
You might require some preparing for this, if you're not that imaginative. The point here is to refer to different invisble objects around you, taking care that these objects do absolutely not make sense in your current surroundings. Always consider these objects very hostile, and act like you are doing people a great favor warning them. For bonus crazy-points, you should choose inanimate objects.
For example, when in a train, you should warn people for meat-eating cheese, or very violent trees. Railway tracks or benches make more sense, because they are connected to the train. Thefore you shouldn't use them, even though the thought of violent benches sure is a scary one.
Of course, you should scream as loud as possible when warning people.

V. Mention the government/aliens
Things are simply not complete without mentioning the government or extra-terrestrials (a combination of both will do just as well, if not better).
Make up complicated conspiracy stories about how the government intrudes into your daily life, monitoring your every movement, trying to control your brain. Tell people (just tell them. No need for them to ask or something, just walk up to them and tell them) how the government co-operates with aliens, trying to seize control over the entire planet.
Bonus points here can be scored by finishing your story, and then screaming a loud 'You're one of them !' at your victims.

Memorized these tips ?
Go out, and enjoy yourself. Take care to notice any possibly dangerous (or boring) situation in which it might help you to escape the simple daily reality.

Note

Commenting is always welcome. However, do not mention anything about disrespect, calling 'mentally inhibited' people crazy or such. Sure, maybe you know crazy people, and you feel offended.
As you might have seen on my profile, I study Clinical Neuropsychology. Soon, it will be my everyday reality to deal with crazies and nutcases, so I pretty much know what I'm talking about.